Wither the Theater?

 By Steve Evans

Never thought I’d live to see the demise of movie theaters, though now that it’s on the horizon the prospect bothers me much less than I would have imagined. This observation comes on the news yesterday that Warner Bros., the second-largest movie studio in the world (behind Disney), will simultaneously release all its films next year both in theaters and on the streaming service of sister company HBOMax. This is said to be a temporary maneuver related to the COVID pandemic, but get real: there’s no putting this genie back in the bottle.

When people realize they can see new movies at home for no additional cost beyond their monthly streaming subscription, it’s game over for movie theaters. Consumers want choices and, increasingly, instant gratification. Nobody wants to wait the customary 90 days from a theatrical release to the availability of a film for home viewing. Streaming on demand has spoiled us all.

The economics of movie going have also changed drastically since I was a kid, when $5 would get you into a matinee with money left over for popcorn and soda. Tickets were $1.75 when I was 10 years old. Today you’re looking at a nationwide average of $9 and it’s more like $11 where I live.

Charging $10 for 50 cents’ worth of popcorn also does not endear the theater experience to consumers. And $7 for a splash of Coke in an ice cup is borderline criminal.

Even these silly prices might not matter if going to the movies was actually still a pleasant experience. Last time I was inside a cinema, two giggling teenagers a couple rows in front of me were seated side by side – and texting each other, with little beeps and boops signaling the arrival of each new message. I wanted to knock their skulls together like coconuts, but I couldn’t move because my shoes were stuck to the floor, sticky with spilled soda.

I thought, why the hell should film lovers put up with this bullshit? The simple truth is that anyone with about $2,000 can set up a perfectly respectable home theater system with a 4K television and surround sound powerful enough to knock monkeys out of trees. If you’re accustomed to going out to the movies twice a month with a companion, pour the money into home theater; it pays for itself in under two years.

The only justification I can make for going out to the movies anymore is to see a genuine blockbuster. The latest James Bond movie can only be appreciated to the fullest when it’s exploding across a 50-foot screen. An Ingmar Bergman revival? Not so much.

I wouldn’t mind if drive-in theaters made a comeback. Not because movies look or sound good at an outdoor venue (they don't), but because scandalous things happen at a drive-in. It’s fun fogging up the car windows. But with home theater you can watch movies buck-nekkid with your date. That's fun, too.

So the Warner Bros. experiment, I predict, will prompt other studios to follow this new pattern. It's good business for the studios, which typically split ticket revenues 50-50 with theaters. Showing your own film on your own streaming service means you get to keep all the money.

Movie theaters, if they continue to exist, will likely become venues for “event” experiences. Blockbuster movies. Concerts piped in via satellite. Possibly specialty programming, like a week of classic films noir – especially rare titles that can’t be had online for streaming. This presupposes an audience exists for this type of fare. On reflection, I would probably be the only one in the auditorium. That suits me just fine. And th-th-th-that’s all, folks.